Man's Dilemma Part 2

During the male’s development, the child learns that he has difficulties in expressing his desires openly and directly. When he expresses his desires, the male child is not taken seriously. He is looked upon as being cute or may be overlooked and/or be rejected. It’s not uncommon for the male child to be subjected to painful and the humiliating experiences of being repulsed, and being told lies.  Some lies and falsehoods are remembered such as the tooth fairy, Easter bunny or Santa Claus. Not all lies, betrayal’s etc. are consciously remembered. The young male has to compete for attention with mother, with father and with siblings as well. He can be disciplined when having toilet training accidents, playing with his feces, or playing with other body parts etc. Sometimes things do not seem fair or consistent to him. It is not uncommon for the male child to experience anger and express aggression. Who can forget the frequent battles during the “the terrible two’s?” In other words, no male child remains entirely free of anger, fear and other anxieties. The male child is often afraid of what he might do to the other person or what another person may do to him. So much for a happy childhood.

Later on, in order to compensate for his fear and insecurity, the male acts like a Don Juan. He behaves like a primitive hunter when it comes to going after or chasing females. He has to possess, conquer, dominate and exploit the opposite sex in order to reinforce and compensate for his fear and insecurity. He’s expected to be masculine. This too can be dangerous for him as he has to prove to himself and to her each and every time. He has to remain sexually strong, erect and not finish too quickly. He’ll even ask his mate something to the effect of “was it good for you too.” He wants reassurance because he just doesn’t know and can’t always trust the sexual experience.

Much but not all of these early deleterious conflicts and experiences remain unconscious. However, these early disturbed emotional experiences lay/or provide the foundation for aggressive, mistrustful behavioral expressions throughout one’s lifetime. In our industrial, capitalistic culture, males have developed different degrees of trust and distrust as a result which leads to the development and “deeply rooted in sex as is shown by the simple fact that it is only the sexually attractive woman of whom he is afraid and who, although he strongly desires her, and has to be kept in bondage” per Karen Horney.  Yes, man is physically stronger than the female but is helpless and unarmed when it comes to the drive of his libido.

To Be Continued