Human Needs of Affection Love and Admiration

Anxiety is a human phenomenon. Further, anxiety is unpleasant and as a result, Homo sapiens have established multiple ways to reduce the discomfort. Psychologically, anxiety is related to human needs. It’s obvious that most humans want to be liked, loved, enjoy the feeling of being liked, and feel resentment when not liked. Competition or sibling rivalry behavior begins early in order to become the favorite. Being liked, being favored and being supported continues in school with teacher and coaches. Being part of the” right “or “popular” peer group or clique is desired.  On the other hand being chosen or being selected last is embarrassing and dreaded. With social media we even have the quantification of the number of collected friends. This essay focuses on two needs: 1. The need for affection [Horney]. 2. The need for love and admiration [Ellis].  Underlying the need for affection, love and admiration is anxiety and at times, feeling of being unlovable and worthless. When the individual has an excessive need for affection, love and admiration, he distrusts, has difficulty, and has doubts believing the receiving of affection. He also is extremely sensitive to any perceived rejection or being slighted, and when perceived, this is met with hostility and anger.

Briefly, psychologically, one example of “falling in love” is when there’s immediate attraction or chemistry between two people.  In this illustration, the individuals become connected and compulsive in their behavior. They consistently think about the other, especially when the other is not present. They become like powerful magnets that can’t be pulled apart. They are on the same wavelength and seem to be in tune with each other. They become the center of the universe for each other and both have these terrific worldly unequaled traits. They merge and become the one, the one and only. It’s as if they were made for each other. Sex becomes compulsive and insatiable. The devotion and caring is unmistakably solid. It’s as if one can never get enough of the other‘s affection.

Neurologically, love becomes compulsive and insatiable. It has been linked to a neurotransmitter called phenyl ethylamine or PEA [floods the regions of the brain involved in sexual excitement] that has been associated with individuals professing a high passion for each other. In any event, psychologically or neurologically, this high degree of lust, passion, and/or PEA has limitations (it fades over time} as exhibited by the excessive amounts of excessive break ups or disillusionment that occurs in many unions.  

It is clear that the needs for affection, love and admiration are very powerful and commonly displayed. With a high need for affection, love, and admiration the individual requires excessive degrees of being admired, being respected, being revered, being supported, being approved or loved, being applauded, being valued in having others cater to him unconditionally. Once again there’s a high degree of sensitivity to rejection that’s accompanied by anger and hostility. Unfortunately, when the affection, love and admiration needs are not adequately fulfilled or met, this results in insecurity, extreme dependency and an inordinate amount of tests for reassurance.

To Be Continued