Man's Dilemma Part 2

During the male’s development, the child learns that he has difficulties in expressing his desires openly and directly. When he expresses his desires, the male child is not taken seriously. He is looked upon as being cute or may be overlooked and/or be rejected. It’s not uncommon for the male child to be subjected to painful and the humiliating experiences of being repulsed, and being told lies.  Some lies and falsehoods are remembered such as the tooth fairy, Easter bunny or Santa Claus. Not all lies, betrayal’s etc. are consciously remembered. The young male has to compete for attention with mother, with father and with siblings as well. He can be disciplined when having toilet training accidents, playing with his feces, or playing with other body parts etc. Sometimes things do not seem fair or consistent to him. It is not uncommon for the male child to experience anger and express aggression. Who can forget the frequent battles during the “the terrible two’s?” In other words, no male child remains entirely free of anger, fear and other anxieties. The male child is often afraid of what he might do to the other person or what another person may do to him. So much for a happy childhood.

Later on, in order to compensate for his fear and insecurity, the male acts like a Don Juan. He behaves like a primitive hunter when it comes to going after or chasing females. He has to possess, conquer, dominate and exploit the opposite sex in order to reinforce and compensate for his fear and insecurity. He’s expected to be masculine. This too can be dangerous for him as he has to prove to himself and to her each and every time. He has to remain sexually strong, erect and not finish too quickly. He’ll even ask his mate something to the effect of “was it good for you too.” He wants reassurance because he just doesn’t know and can’t always trust the sexual experience.

Much but not all of these early deleterious conflicts and experiences remain unconscious. However, these early disturbed emotional experiences lay/or provide the foundation for aggressive, mistrustful behavioral expressions throughout one’s lifetime. In our industrial, capitalistic culture, males have developed different degrees of trust and distrust as a result which leads to the development and “deeply rooted in sex as is shown by the simple fact that it is only the sexually attractive woman of whom he is afraid and who, although he strongly desires her, and has to be kept in bondage” per Karen Horney.  Yes, man is physically stronger than the female but is helpless and unarmed when it comes to the drive of his libido.

To Be Continued 

Man's Dilemma Part 2

 Sharon “Shay” Bintliff was also known as Doc Shay. She provides a concrete example of nonsensical male institutionalized prejudice. She was an outstanding athlete especially in the sport of golf. Way back when, she was not allowed to play golf with her fellow male doctor’s on Wednesdays because she was female [to this day she likely can still whip males on the golf course]. She moved to Hawaii and discovered that prestigious outrigger canoe race that began in 1952. That particular race started in Molokai and ended in Oahu covering a distance of 38.66-42 miles. Subsequently, a group of women paddlers lobbied the men in order to compete in this spectacular race. The Coast Guard got involved and told the females, giving them reasons not to compete, with various replies like “it’s too dangerous and it’s too far.” Finally, in 1979 women finally participated in their first official race that covered 40.8 miles. In 2009, Doc Shay told me that she made her 30^th crossing. More about this extremely talented and accomplished female can be found in “It Has Nothing To Do With Age.” Currently, with the “me too” movement,” women are now doing the unthinkable. They’re telling males that “no “means” no” when it comes to physical and sexual advances. 100 years ago, it would not have mattered what they expressed. It’s beginning to matter now.

One explanation for man’s fear of women is related to the development of his distrustful attitude. It is because of distrust, man has compensated by taking control and by dominating the so called weaker sex in one way or the other. Let’s start with childhood. Childhood’s not paradise for a male child. There are too many lurking monsters in the dark. The origin of the attitude of trust or mistrust begins with the male child’s helplessness and dependence as a newborn. He constantly and regularly experiences a favorable or non- favorable degree of gratification or non-gratification of his physiological instincts for warmth, safety and survival. Does the male develop that inner certainty, and/or that comfort with that individual caretaker or caretakers or does he develop instead that discomfort with the caretaker or caretakers? Erickson stated “the infant’s first social achievement, is his willingness to let the mother out of sight without undue anxiety or rage, because she has become an inner certainty as well as an outer predictability.” For instance, this process differentiates psychologically between the inside and outside. This process of differentiation are the defense mechanisms of interjection and projection. Interjection is when an outer goodness becomes an inner certainty and projection is when an inner harm is experienced as an outer harm certainty.

To Be Continued  

Man's Dilemma

Since recorded history, there was a power struggle between the sexes with men on top. Man established arbitrary laws, rules, mores, and regulations and has even classified females as the” weaker sex.” Further support for man’s dominance can be found in reading the Old Testament. In Genesis, Eve was came from Adam’s rib and not the other way around. What?  Also, there was also a curse put on Eve. She could have children, but only in sorrow. Seductively, she   tempted Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge. Could it be that man’s fear and distrust of women was related or rooted in sex; especially to a sexually attractive female? The following is a facet of man’s dilemma.

In fact, in some primitive cultures, it’s the young women and not the older women that were dreaded. Not only that, it’s the older women that had the decisive voice within the tribe. There are numerous illustrations that signify the power of women when it comes to a virile man. For example, according to the Samson and Delilah story, Samson’s hair length was his power given to him by God. However, he was smitten with Delilah and he confided to her about the origin of his strength. She betrayed him, cut his hair, and he was weakened losing his God-given strength. Turning to Greek mythology, Ulysses, while on his Odyssey, had to be tied to the masts, while sailing past the island home of the Sirens. The Sirens were famous for their beauty and luring sailors, bringing them to their deaths. Thank goodness Ulysses lived. There are other myths and stories that substantiate that man was driven by his affect. As a result, he was vulnerable and simply no match when it came to an attractive female.

Man was been told by man that he was king of his castle and that a woman was considered his property. He was in control and could do whatever he pleased or desired with his mate. The woman was expected to be dependent and to meet man’s requirements and/or desires. She was confined to the home, she was to remain loyal, and was to rear his children.   She was allowed and encouraged to marry a wealthy man or she could go to college in order to find a suitable husband. If she wanted a career, she could become a nurse or a teacher. She was denied equal pay status because she was expected to be subservient and have her husband provide for her. It took how long for women to be able to vote in United States? In fact it was the 19^th amendment of the Constitution that guaranteed that right.

To Be Continued

A Legacy Part 2

Another physical health issue for the players has been the accumulation of injuries along with multiple surgeries and pain medications. For example, Hall of Fame Dan Dierdorf is a prime example as he has difficulty walking unassisted, since his most recent back surgery. Ed Budde is able to walk unassisted but very slowly. Conrad Dobler’s surgical calf interferes with his gait. Connie pulled up his pant leg and showed me that deformity. Both Dan and Connie were teammates with the Cardinals. They were lineman. That group holds the NFL record for allowing the fewest quarterback sacks during the season. Jim Brandstatter has put on a tremendous amount of weight since his playing days. Mike Keller, although able to play golf, has put on a lot of weight and has limited aerobic ability. His limited aerobic ability was evident when Linda and I took him to the Robinson Flat vet check, a few years ago, during one Tevis Cup endurance ride.  Even though Hall of Fame Reggie McKenzie plays golf, he also has limited aerobic ability. Reggie created the Electric Company with the Bills. The Electric Company was coined for OJ when set the NFL rushing record. Jim Betts and has had back and sciatica issues. Although when visiting him last November, he showed remarkable improvement.  Hall of Fame Thom Darden does better when he exercises regularly in the pool. He has been very helpful in providing Linda with information pertaining to surgeries and rehab. She thanked him over and over. Fritz Seyferth has maintained his weight and pushes himself to remain as fit as he can In spite of his back issues.

Player injuries start in college, get exacerbated and become more serious during their professional career. Talk to any of the players and they can tell you in detail about their injuries sustained on the playing field.  Players know about surgery and rehabilitation. They leave the game because of injuries sustained and the aging process. My physician brother told me that I was fortunate not to have sustained any significant football injuries since my health allowed me numerous options regarding sports and competition with my physical activities.

PS

There was not one player, despite injuries, that would have given up on playing this game. They love the game, they love the camaraderie as football has played a significant and dominant part in their identity.

A Legacy

For consequences of playing in the NFL, consult the February 20, 2019, of The New York Times article, “The NFL’s Other Scourge: Obesity.”  This article focused on problems other than head trauma or the use of opioids. According to the data, former lineman compared with other football players and with the general population, had higher rates of hypertension, obesity, and sleep apnea. These conditions often lead to chronic fatigue, poor diet and even death.

It’s obvious that the NFL lineman of today are larger and have been given the message since high school that size matters. The Living Heart Foundation found that roughly 2/3 of former players had a body mass index [BMI] above 30 [moderately obese] and a third of those screened were at 35 BMI [significantly obese]. As a consequence of weight gain, the American Journal of Medicine reported that for every 10 pounds a football player gained from high school to college or from college to the professional level, the risk of heart disease rose 14%, compared with players whose weight changed little.

Sleep apnea was described as when a person’s breathing repeatedly stops and starts because the muscles in the neck, press against the breathing passage during sleep. This is troublesome for former lineman. They have large necks and as they age, their throat tissue becomes flabby, so their tongues block their airways. Sleep apnea has been associated with producing more sugars, which can cause type II diabetes which leads to overeating.

Overeating is a constant battle, especially for lineman who maintained and added weight by eating unhealthy food at all hours of the day and night. They have reinforced, over many years, poor and disastrous eating habits, making it difficult for them to change. The result has been a preponderance of diabetes and heart conditions for these players.

To Be Continued

Human Needs of Affection, Love and Admiration Part 2

Although there are many needs In addition to the need for affection, love and admiration the focus of this essay is on how these needs, expresses itself toward others, especially under conditions of stress. This man, whom we will call M 1, is our example of an individual with an excessive need for love, admiration and affection .Historically, M1 has been the man in charge or at the center of his business interests for a long time. He oversees and rarely delegates power and control and is the” Emperor.”

Over the last two years or so, M1 has been elevated to the highest political position in the world. So, he surrounds himself with individuals that are loyal, first and foremost to him. Loyalty for him is equated with being liked, loved, admired, supported, revered and/or recognizing that he has last word, and that his opinion matters unconditionally, first, most and last .Disagreement, with his opinion, is perceived as a betrayal, not being liked, loved etc. and is threatening or anxiety producing. Examples of typical and frequent counter hostile verbal responses by him can be “you’re fired,” “you’re a traitor,” or “you’re disloyal,”

If the media, newspapers or tweets write positives about M1, he perceives these as friends and reinforce his notion of being loved, respected, worthwhile, admired and valued. This bolsters his fragile self-esteem. On the other hand, investigations, indictments of associates, negative reporting are perceived, by him, as threats of being worthwhile, popular, or liked. He responds with hostile words like “fake news,” “enemy of the people,” and “witch-hunt” in an attempt to combat the anxiety or threat. However, for M1, being the focus of any attention either positive or negative is also desired. He craves attention and is like the trouble maker in elementary school that typically disrupts the teacher and/or the class regardless of the consequence. He craves attention because any attention is required. The absence of attention is perceived as being worthless and insignificant. Insignificance and worthlessness psychologically means not being adequate, noticed or relevant, which is detrimental to M1’s self-esteem, and is to be avoided at all costs.

Rallies are an attempt for M1 to receive unconditional admiration, praise, respect, and hero worship. These events, unfortunately, only temporarily, or in the moment, provide that” high”, which reduces the anxiety {exorbitant need for affection and love}. M1 also inflates his wealth {respect} and the numbers of his inauguration since having less of a turnout than Pres. Obama suggests to him that he was not as well liked. That’s a significant blow to M 1‘s  need to be liked and admired  .M1 also uses superficial flattery, as  with his love description for the North Korean dictator in an attempt to influence the negotiations and to be liked in return.

 Proper and beneficial love, admiration and affection are important and necessary for an optimum Homo sapiens well-being. However, if there is too much {anxiety} of an increased need to be loved, esteemed, and recognized then we find a much sensitivity to the frustration of these needs. More specifically, compulsive and indiscriminate behavior along with overvaluation of love, extreme jealousy and the demand for unconditional love surfaces in which anxiety is clearly present. More than likely maternal and caretaker warmth was insufficient in terms of quantity and quality for M1.This was likely one significant factor for the development of his need state. Therefore, we can expect, while in office, because of the tremendous amount of stress or anxiety, his drive to fill the need for love, admiration and affection will result in   more of the same or similar hostile and aggressive verbal behavior.

Human Needs of Affection Love and Admiration

Anxiety is a human phenomenon. Further, anxiety is unpleasant and as a result, Homo sapiens have established multiple ways to reduce the discomfort. Psychologically, anxiety is related to human needs. It’s obvious that most humans want to be liked, loved, enjoy the feeling of being liked, and feel resentment when not liked. Competition or sibling rivalry behavior begins early in order to become the favorite. Being liked, being favored and being supported continues in school with teacher and coaches. Being part of the” right “or “popular” peer group or clique is desired.  On the other hand being chosen or being selected last is embarrassing and dreaded. With social media we even have the quantification of the number of collected friends. This essay focuses on two needs: 1. The need for affection [Horney]. 2. The need for love and admiration [Ellis].  Underlying the need for affection, love and admiration is anxiety and at times, feeling of being unlovable and worthless. When the individual has an excessive need for affection, love and admiration, he distrusts, has difficulty, and has doubts believing the receiving of affection. He also is extremely sensitive to any perceived rejection or being slighted, and when perceived, this is met with hostility and anger.

Briefly, psychologically, one example of “falling in love” is when there’s immediate attraction or chemistry between two people.  In this illustration, the individuals become connected and compulsive in their behavior. They consistently think about the other, especially when the other is not present. They become like powerful magnets that can’t be pulled apart. They are on the same wavelength and seem to be in tune with each other. They become the center of the universe for each other and both have these terrific worldly unequaled traits. They merge and become the one, the one and only. It’s as if they were made for each other. Sex becomes compulsive and insatiable. The devotion and caring is unmistakably solid. It’s as if one can never get enough of the other‘s affection.

Neurologically, love becomes compulsive and insatiable. It has been linked to a neurotransmitter called phenyl ethylamine or PEA [floods the regions of the brain involved in sexual excitement] that has been associated with individuals professing a high passion for each other. In any event, psychologically or neurologically, this high degree of lust, passion, and/or PEA has limitations (it fades over time} as exhibited by the excessive amounts of excessive break ups or disillusionment that occurs in many unions.  

It is clear that the needs for affection, love and admiration are very powerful and commonly displayed. With a high need for affection, love, and admiration the individual requires excessive degrees of being admired, being respected, being revered, being supported, being approved or loved, being applauded, being valued in having others cater to him unconditionally. Once again there’s a high degree of sensitivity to rejection that’s accompanied by anger and hostility. Unfortunately, when the affection, love and admiration needs are not adequately fulfilled or met, this results in insecurity, extreme dependency and an inordinate amount of tests for reassurance.

To Be Continued