Sigmund Freud and Otto Rank both theorized about the trauma of birth despite their theoretical differences ,Both agreed about its importance . . For example, the embryo exists in a state of bliss and/ or pleasure and comfort as it is “protected” during development. It's freely nourished and develops generally without interruption nor without any demand placed upon it. At birth, the neonate's protection, safety, comfort , pleasure and nurturance dramatically changes. Tension and/or anxiety surfaces for the first time and that is associated with its disruption from the womb. This initial state of anxiety is considered the prototype , the origin so to speak ,or an imprint in the developing brain. This disposition addresses that separation , union and loneliness .
The birth which is accompanied by the emergence of anxiety, which signals danger. The embryo existed without any effort on its part for its survival. With birth, it now requires initiative on its part for survival . Then, any change or separation from the mother , results and begins a state of fear , anxiety and insecurity . The infant,in order to reduce the fear ,anxiety and terror of being alone, separate and being unprotected requires a union. Research by Stanley Schachter studied and found that separation is accompanied by anxiety which propels an individual to seek union and the subjects preferred to be with another rather than being alone. Henry A Murray In his theory of Personology reported about the importance of the Affiliative need. This basic human need is associated with cooperation ,pleasing another, affection and remaining loyal.
During the development from primary to secondary narcissism, the first caretaker or mother represents that first protector, the provider of nurturance, safety , love, and security or not. As a result, the mother or mother figure represents the first psychological role model or basis during development for good or for a bad union .
With development from primary to secondary narcissism , the newborn initially establishes an authoritarian conscience It learns right from wrong based on the power, commands and dictates of the parenting figures. The parents standards and only the parental standards are the rule. If obeyed, it pleases parents and that is accompanied with their smiles, love, protection, security and acceptance. If the standards of the parents are not obeyed, that is followed by anger, disappointment, punishment, disapproval, loss of love, rejection ,being abandoned and loneliness. In the Old Testament, God's punishment of rejection and abandonment of Abel was more powerful and severe than allowing him to be slain ..
When parenting rearing styles are based on authoritarian principles,compared to democratic ones, these behaviors are based on control , resulting in there being less warmth, nurturance, affection or sympathy with their children. An authoritarian parenting style is also associated with being highly controlling with rigid power and not encouraging the child to express himself when he disagrees with them. Children being reared in authoritarian households have difficulty developing independence , objectivity and humanistic morals .
With an authoritarian conscience and being reared with authoritarian parenting standards results in impaired ego development. For instance, with secondary narcissism ,and when coupled with potential fixation on a powerful mother and father figure, results in excessive loyalty, dependence and pleasing behaviors for children. During social development , that proneness for attachment , loyalty etc. becomes generalized and is transferred to a tribe , flag , country, religion or political figure . Although there is a degree of authoritarian tendency in everyone , it becomes a problem when there is a preponderance or a proclivity in that direction . With an extraordinary attachment and dependency to another figure , that affects one's capacity to fully relate with empathy to different others , not in the same tribe, because that individual has identified with the commands and follows those values , prejudices of that powerful figure. It's that striving, and a desire for protection regardless of the character , integrity and humanness of the protector. In essence, this dependency or attachment becomes a negative contributing factor and interferes in the development of a more encompassing union . With the regression of being stuck in a state of fixation on an authoritarian figure ,frees the individual from taking mature adult responsibility for actions based on humanistic ,moral and ethical principles..In other words, there's a transference, a need for union ,love, acceptance, and protection to an external authoritarian source regardless .
When there is interference for independence and integrity , individuals are not free to be neither themselves nor have any convictions of their own as they become other directed. They rationalize, and it becomes their duty to surrender , to obey and to support . He is so wonderful. .It's a privilege and noble to obey and a sin to disobey him . These character types remain bound in their fixation to the external source with the wish to remain tied and an unconscious fear of being free, of being alone and being helpless.
In the Old Testament ,the book Exodus provides an example of the problem of developing independence and separation from an authoritarian power .. Moses took the Israelites out of bondage from Ramsey. During their 40 years of exile, the Israelites had difficulty with their freedom. They regressed and wanted to go back to the safety and protection of the Pharaoh. They built false idols, which were familiar to them. According to the story , It took 40 years , the deaths of the original group , for the Israelites to learn and pursue freedom , and to establish growth ,truth , moral , ethical values and independence.
Loneliness is a symptom of birth trauma and separation,dynamic . It's been reported that more than 1/5 of Americans over 18 state they feel lonely or socially isolated. Also, for older adults, social isolation has been linked to various adverse physical and psychological effects including increased risk of dementia and heart disease. The symptom of loneliness can suggest interference in developing adequate secondary narcissism. In this case, the parental or caretaker, attachment does not at all represent consistent trust, security, safety, comfort, love, but instead mistrust ,danger and fear. One option for the newborn or child is a withdrawal from the other which generalizes to others during lifespan. Parental mistrust , results and is associated with the development of paranoia . With paranoia, the person projects his hate ,resentment, anger, prejudice and fear onto others, making others very dangerous . Also , the moving away from others with self absorption and/or egotism is associated with primary narcissism and conditions of autism,depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and other psychological disorders. Further, it's not difficult to find loneliness with drug and alcohol addiction ,PTSD , shyness and homeless populations Moreover, our capitalistic economic system also contributes to loneliness with its abstraction of meaningless work , becoming a cog or number in the entire manufacturing production process.There is too much alienation without authenticity coupled with morbidity and insignificance for far too many. Hateful, insignificant social media contributes as well to a dangerous world .
In order to treat loneliness, one has to be able to diagnose and assess contributing causal factors. Despite that reality, there have been superficial quick fix solutions like encouraging people to join a group. Even big Pharma has designed a loneliness pill supposedly to reduce stress , isolation and increase unions. Unfortunately, side effects such as sleeping disorders and cardiology issues are concerning .This reminds me of Huxley’s Brave New World .
A grieving individual suffering from loss, but has developed sufficient secondary narcissism has the necessary psychic supplies for appropriate treatment along with medication to deal with anxiety and depression. Individuals without an adequate development of secondary and social narcissism are at a disadvantage which makes treatments problematic. In other words, all loneliness is not the same and needs to be evaluated for realistic outcomes . Visiting a primary care physician for a 20 minute appointment is hardly the solution for a differential diagnosis. These unfortunates require a realistic reparenting program designed to foster a sense of trust between human beings
Neurology with its mapping of the brain has identified areas in the amygdala, hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis that contribute to loneliness and a poorly functioning brain. It's been suggested that a rewiring of the brain can occur with appropriate positive social interactions. However, social media doesn't rebuild efficient rewiring or brain functioning.
Our unbalanced socioeconomic system along with parenting irregularities , contribute to the symptom of loneliness. Loneliness nor implanting trust can't be repaired by surgery . As of now, we do not have the political will , the resources or priorities to replace mistrust with trust , overcoming toxic parenting or authoritarian politicians. Additionally,policies like making abortion a crime , banning books and allowing access to dangerous weapons, attacking the criminal justice and voting system only increases isolation, hate, sadism, disrespecting moral, ethical and humanistic values..Profit,not children adults, others or loneliness are the country’s most precious values . On the other hand, the theme of union and separation remains per month. The lifespan of humans. Everyone is effective. Just pay attention to the many novels and movies addressing those themes . The significance of unions and separation cannot be understated, as they provide an insight into well-being.
Reference
The New York Times July 16, 2023. If Loneliness Is an Epidemic, How Do We Treat It?
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