This essay is based on a May 5, 2025 article titled “Satisfaction “ found in the New York Times. Happiness can be defined as a state of being; happy as in joy which is the feeling, or state of well-being and contentment. A few synonyms of joy include enjoyment, pleasure , gladness, bliss joyfulness, blissfulness ,felicity, euphoria, glory ,satisfaction, ecstasy and intoxication. In other words, there are many words associated with happiness. Therefore, an operational definition of happiness is necessary for any research. In this essay I will address happiness along with anxiety and affiliation.
There have been many studies of satisfaction and happiness employing a diversity of subjects. One study began in 1938 at Harvard that included John F. Kennedy and Ben Bradlee. A short summary of results follows: 1. Youth and modest life aspirations were key components to happiness as well as the person's mindset 2 .Happy people tended to refrain from comparing themselves with others ; had a more positive perception of others ; found ways to be satisfied with a range of choices and did not dwell on the negatives 3. Performing five acts of kindness resulted in students being happier by the end of six weeks 4. Students contemplating ,once a week , the things for which they were grateful . 5. Happiness happens to people by virtue of their genes and circumstances are both 6. Finding purpose in serving others. ; spending time and being connected to others. 7. Having smaller points of connection throughout the day also leads to happiness. And it's important every day to connect with other humans. 8. Happy people seem to engage in religious observance, socializing and exercising. 9 Happy people spend less time alone every day 9. Those in happy marriages, socializing with others in their circle contributed to their happiness 10. Those in pain or ill health reported that spending time with their spouses seemed to protect them from the mood of dampening effects of physical suffering 11. People who scored highest on measures of attachment to their spouses were also the ones who reported the highest levels of happiness. 12. The best predictor of a couple's overall well-being in their old age was how happily married they were at age 50. 12. Happy people spent less time alone than unhappy people. 13. Even interacting with strangers in public transit seemed to help people get a mood boost.
These studies suggest, because we are social animals, that "happiness" is related to interpersonal contact, connections and relationships. With that being said, picture the following connections. The sperm connects with the egg and it's called fertilization. In the placenta is the mother's umbilical cord which is a conduit or connection between the developing embryo or fetus in the placenta. Turning to psychology is the occurrence of the birth trauma which is a separation between the mother and newborn. This trauma is the first separation between mother and baby, which results in anxiety and trauma from the influx of stimulus for that newborn. Freud called the birth trauma ,the prototype of anxiety as it's the first reality signaling a dangerous situation. In fact, Heidegger stated that mere anxiety was the source of everything.
Following birth, we have a multitude of significant and important connections and separations with the interplay between mother and baby. That infant "learns" over time as to whether or not that mother can be trusted for nurturance, safety, protection and comfort. If there are positive reinforcements occurring, a preponderance of positive reinforcements result in a sense and expectations of trust. Thus, with a positive sense of trust becomes a favorable association or connection between the two, and, importantly, that infant baby emotionally develops a favorable interpersonal expectation that can generalize to others. In other words, an interpersonal connection becomes established, and if that emotionally close connection becomes severed ,anxiety and a threat occurs .In other words, separation anxiety begins about six months, especially after that close bond or connection between mother and child.
The relationship or association between affiliation and anxiety has also been studied in depth .In one research, Schechter studied female college students and subjected them to either high or low anxiety. He found that high anxiety subjects chose to wait with others as opposed to being alone. In other words, he concluded that anxiety leads to affiliative behaviors. Sarnoff and Zimbardo found that placing one group of subjects under a strong fear of shock resulted in more of a desire to affiliate with others compared to those under low fear. It should be noted that affiliative behavior is associated and based on anticipating past successful experiences that reduce the discomfort of anxiety.
It's not surprising that psychologists , philosophers and others have identified the association of anxiety and affiliation for man's survival. Of course, being with a positive other is more productive to reduce anxiety than being with a negative individual. Being with another is one way to reduce anxiety as is sex,drugs,alcohol,and various other activities. It's the belonging that reduces anxiety and that offers a key for obtaining a sense of happiness , enjoyment, pleasure , and satisfaction.
Stories, songs, novels etc. have described a variety of significant positive and negative interpersonal relationships .. The stress ,anxiety , conflict , loss and intense emotional feelings in the stories of Samson and Delilah; Helen and Teseus; Cleopatra and Antony; Abelard and Heloise come to mind as well as with Taylor and Burton; Dr. Zhivago and Laura; Butler and O'Hara; and Bogart and Bergman. Song lyrics such as “Will You Love Me Tomorrow, “ “When Will I Hold You Again”and “ ,The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” and “ I Can’t Live without You” are three examples . The novelist John Steinbeck’s portrayal of Lennie and George from “ Of Mice and Men “ and brothers Cain and Abel from East of Eden depict stress,anxiety ,separation and conflict are other illustrations pertaining to human connections.The most intense and most desirable passion between humans is love and with separation -anxiety, it's not surprising to find in a long-term relationship that the death of one is shortly followed by the other.
Affiliation is one of the ego needs described by Murray. He defined it: To draw near and enjoyably cooperate or reciprocate with an allied other-and others who resemble the subject or who likes the subject. To please and win affection of a cathected. To adhere and remain loyal to a friend. In other words, affiliation is one of our ego needs. And ,successful gratification with significant connections as in being loved,liked ,cared for and appreciated leads to a reduction in anxiety with positive emotions which is just one of the variables associated with well-being. However, it's clearly an important need to be gratified and one of the best ways to protect against fear, anxiety ,terror and loneliness .
I prefer to use the term well-being. or eudaimonia In describing my motivation. I take into account growth ,development and individuation while making choices pursuant to mind and body ; gratifying important ego needs while being productive with meaning, purpose , care,respect,responsibility and understanding especially with loved ones . It's clear that the pursuit of happiness is short-lived and paradoxically results in self deception, illusion and irrationality. And that happiness is not found with the pursuit for power,prestige or possessions. Well-being is related to a tendency, and a character orientation .
PS
Thom Darden and I have been invited by the University of Michigan Alumni to host a webinar regarding Bo's Warriors. The event is scheduled for August 16, a Sunday, at 1 PM Pacific coast time. To register for the event
https://umalumni.my.site.com/s/lt-event?id=a1QUS00000C3rAX2AZ
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