Mattering

 

An article titled "The Human Condition"  found in the February 22 ,2026 edition of tTe New York Times is the subject matter of this essay.  A philosophy professor wrote a book titled The Mattering Instinct   How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us She suggests that this” m  attering instinct ‘is the most peculiar , the most human thing about us and that our actions flow from a byproduct of our brains which in turn are constantly preoccupied with devising ways to resist entropy or chaos.

This professor is not the first to philosophize about determinants of conduct.  For example, Socrates suggested that man is guided by the belief that knowledge and virtue are identical .And the right knowing that leads itself to right acting .Knowledge is good and the highest  goal of human life is happiness to be achieved through the activity that is unique to man. And, another  Greek ,Aristippus of Cyrene ,believed that pleasure is the only thing worth striving for. Along with the avoidance of pain.

Turning to psychology with  the importance of the unconscious as a motivating factor, we can more fully understand man’s drives and ego needs  motivations.  In essence, mattering,sex ,knowledge ,pleasure ,pain , affiliation,achievement,dominance are but not limited to other  motivational  aspects within an individual's character orientation.  With that being said, "mattering" can be applied within a narcissistic personality structure and  the blending of character orientations. For example, Willie Loman in Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman provides the concept of mattering within both marketing and hoarding character orientations.

Willie was a salesman who traveled ,by automobile,from place to place in the selling capacity. This was his life. As this  occupation was his identity which gave him meaning , mattering and self esteem  relevance. His  job  provided a sense of self esteem incorporating his ability to support  his  wife and two sons, 

Willie was portrayed as being  social, practical, economical, careful, reserved, cautious and loyal.  As time progressed his charm and personality changed as he became less productive as his sales declined.  In fact, his value, importance, relevance and worth declined.  Even though he spent  many loyal years with this company, he was out of a job.

In our capitalistic society. It's the economics of the market that affects man in his development ,self esteem ,worth and  being.  Initially for Willie, the  market was a meeting place , an exchange where he sold and they purchased .It was supply and demand, but that  demand changed.  Willie was once a commodity , it was his experience of self  in which he possessed an exchange value and that exchange value was his identity, his being

Material or financial  success was the personal acceptance by those that needed his wares.  It was his prerequisite for success.  Then over time, Willie could no longer sell himself ,his personality.  He was no longer sellable.  His”personality was no longer in demand . The psychological reality was  that if successful at selling, he was valuable, but if not, he was worthless . In essence, this striving, this relentlessness for success turned into a setback for him, and became a threat to his self-esteem, resulting in feelings of helplessness ,insecurity, and inferiority, which resulted in destroying his dignity and pride.

Within the hoarding orientation is a form of miserliness referring to money , material things, as well as to feelings and thoughts.  Love is essentially possession  and Willie had difficulty loving his wife and boys.This orientation is also characterized by sentimentality . It was about Willie and his elder son's football  past. The past was special, his boy was a star, a hero  that he attempted to hold on too. He indulged in  the memories of those bygone feelings and experiences.

 Tragically, Willie had no expectations, no future goals.  He was approaching the final phase of life with a sense of despair . He was ending life as a total failure. His son Biff was not a hero but also not fulfilled. a failure too . 

Miller portrayed Willie as a man whose self  esteem needs ,his sense of self taking a beating and for a man who is now without a future, without principles, values, anxious, unimaginative, and at loss with no options.  In essence, mattering can be best understood within the narcissism of self  esteem needs ,and the  character orientation of marketing and hoarding.Furthermore, Willie was stuck  without  future hope and severely depressed without integrity and virtue..

Albert Maslow hypothesized a hierarchy of needs, starting with the physiological needs.  Within Maslow's hierarchy were the esteem needs.  These needs represent “the need for a stable, firmly based, usually high evaluation of oneself ,for self-respect or self-esteem and  for the esteem of others."  Within this category was also the” desire for strength, for achievement ,for  adequacy,for mastery and competence, and second, “the desire for reputation or prestige, status, dominance, recognition, attention, importance or appreciation."  The end result is a gratification of these needs brings "feelings of self-confidence, worth ,strength, capability and adequacy." Willie’s self esteem was shattered.

Within narcissism, mattering can be seen within the self esteem need. Mattering is demonstrated  within   one's tension system ,goals, expectations, barriers, thinking, feelings, fear of failure and achievement.  For instance,the origin of mattering motivation occurs within a state of tension. This  tension relates to pursuing an interpersonal, achievement or some other related need.  In pursuing the mastery, pleasure or success of  reaching that mattering  goal one is faced with  internal and external  barriers,restrictions or interferences.  And when it’s more difficult to attain ,it means  there are more barriers and challenges to overcome .

 Goal seeking behavior  also relates to expectations of  success based upon previous experiences of  success or failure. A fear of failure  also has tremendous emotional impact .Furthermore, during the pursuit of goals various ego needs can be met.  For example, when I ran the Western States 100 mile endurance run, my affiliative needs were met. as I trained with others,,had a support system  and engaged with pacers etc. Being an age division winner met my ego needs for both dominance and achievement as well.  Additionally, during that run my ego need for deference was met as  I admired Scott Jurek the first place winner and third place finisher Mark Richtman  With all that being said, “mattering’ was  incorporated within my narcissism and just one aspect of my  or my self esteem and other  ego needs being met along the way..

In conclusion, mattering is an aspect of narcissism, and expressed through self esteem and other  ego needs resulting in various  behaviors.  As far as being a social animal, the existentialists stressed the  significant importance of being authentic.  Freud added that the mentally healthy are able to love and work creatively, artistically, and productivity.  I would add feeling and exhibiting mutuality with concern .empathy and giving

PS.

A diametrically opposed view to "mattering" can be found in the lyrics of the rock band Kansas. “ I close my eyes  Only for a moment and the moment is gone  .  All my dreams    pass before my eyes. ,a curiosity     Dust in the wind    .  All they are is just dust in the wind ……The wind

Reference

Fromm,Erich.Man  For Himself.

Maslow,A.H. Motivation and Personality